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Posts Tagged ‘Beeman’s’

My wireless mouse is possessed (or maybe it just needs new batteries)

One of our credit cards is cursed by Satan (but they all are, really. who am I kidding?)

A friend told me once that poker is a man’s game, women can’t play it. He was a poet, but apparently not in his assessment of poker and gender. Then again, I can’t play poker.

Last night, I had no singing voice to speak of (that’s funny, don’t you think?)

maybe all of the batteries are tied up in vibrators

but probably not. and vibrators don’t really get tied up, not in the literal sense

Do electric razors work well? That’s all I remember my father ever using. He also shaved with powder. Is that unusual?

I still have a tin container of Pepsodent tooth powder. I loved the taste of Pepsodent when I was a kid. It tasted like Beeman’s gum.

I remember something on the Beeman’s package when I was a kid, something about it aiding digestion. Does anyone else remember this?

This is not a quiz.

OH OH OH I was going to announce something, but now I forget

I had a roommate in college who referred to orgasms as THE BIG “O”

I know that’s common parlance, but I never took to the phrase

editing my poems is hard

sometimes things that are hard are good and I suppose I can admit that editing is hard in a good way

I have never seen a movie with Mae West or WC Fields in it. Do you think in 60 years anyone will have?

I used to like this quote by Mae West: my right leg is Christmas, my left leg is New Year’s, why don’t you come up between the holidays and see me some time?

Not everything is about sex.

I got kind of excited when I clicked on the image for the google doodle yesterday, the one with the zipper. What did I think was gonna be under there anyway? What is wrong with me?

I flipped off somebody while I was riding my bike the other day. The driver hadn’t moved over on one of our cruddy Amherst-has-some-of-the-highest-taxes-in-Western-Mass roads which features abundant potholes and no shoulder and that was probably scarier than flipping him off. But I was crying and shaking anyway. I wonder when the last time before that was that I flipped someone off (besides joking)

I’ve had a rough week in some ways, in other ways not. I know I’m privileged, so it’s not that. Ups and downs, highs and lows, peaks and valleys, life and death

One of my favorite movies (in the top 125 maybe?) is called The Opposite of Sex, but I don’t think too many folks saw it. It’s not Herzog or anything, but it’s really good. It starred Christina Ricci when she was still zaftig and strange. The flick gets twinkly bonus points because it features a birth without a lot of bullshit medical crap. Like the Sean Penn movie Indian Runner. That one even shows the baby’s head crowning; it is a true, non-medicalized homebirth. Good stuff and you get to see Viggo Mortensen naked. He does not look very tall. He looks like he’s about 5′ 8″, but I don’t really know. When Viggo Mortensen is running around naked, you don’t really care about height any more.

Did you see Grizzly Man? You should. It was great.

The only card game I was ever good at was euchre. In high school and college. I have always thought that this means I am only good at a simpleton’s game.

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I didn’t watch Oprah much, but once a few years ago, I tuned in and she was saying that one of her pet peeves, or maybe what she considers rude, is gum-chewing. I guess people who are chewing gum when she’s in conversation with them? Well, what’s good for Oprah is not necessarily what’s good for the rest of us.

I am not sure whether chewing gum is good or bad for you. I hear reports of both. Good because it actually cleans away stuck food particles (gross!) and it exercises the jaw muscles (that would include masseter, buccinator, obicularis oris). I have even heard that it can make you look younger; no, not because you are engaging in a teen-agey activity, but because it exercises and lifts the muscles in the front of the neck. This is obviously bullshit information put out by secret agents of the chewing gum industry, but I will take it as true because I am getting a turkey neck, and jowls, to boot. Chewing gum may be my only hope against aging because I am not getting plastic surgery! I also have deep gullies on either side of my mouth. Maybe chewing actually makes these gullies more pronounced?

What are the downsides of chewing gum? I will not discuss something so negative and abhorrent on Thankful Thursday. Blasphemers!

If the flavor of gum isn’t enough for you, you must admit that popping bubbles is extremely satisfying. There is no compare orally, really, and I’m not just fishing for you to think sexual thoughts. I don’t chew bubble gum, but I love smacking regular gum into tiny, crackling bubbles. It makes driving around on errands not only bearable, but enjoyable. My car, my time, my gum.

Here it is, in all its beauty. The original Dentyne.

Look at it, damn it! Okay, so the photo’s a little blurry. Use your imagination. It says right there “Taste the Tingle.” C’mon, my god. What a bold and sexy little bit of enticement. And it’s all true. The package limited to only 3 colors. It’s pure genius.

I have found a source for original Dentyne. I also have a source for Beemans, Black Jack, Clove, and Teaberry. Usually I engage with the Teaberry or the Dentyne. Heaven! I never dug that new crappy Dentyne. And Big Red, no way! I occasionally pop a cinnamon disc in my mouth from the candy bowl at the front desk at the insurance agent’s office. Even those have lost their luster. But not Dentyne. It is a true and reliable friend. Maybe it’s made in China out of garbage, though. I don’t know. Are they going to come after me, the Dentyne police, for suggesting this? I wish they’d just offer me a lifetime-supply for plugging their product. Then I would be a proud and rich Dentyne whore and I would live in a palace made of Dentyne wrappers! YES!

Why does the store where I get my Teaberry charge only 25¢ a pack (5 sticks) but charges a buck a pack for Beemans? It is an outrage. In spite of this, I will, on occasion, treat myself to the Beemans. Like during the week of my birthday (hint, hint).

Gum. Yum. Grateful.

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