Posts Tagged ‘beliefs’

Warning: this post contains mature words (as in “adult” or “dirty”) and falsehoods. If you have trouble determining which these are, please leave me a comment and I will do my best to help.

“Behind every misuse is an erroneous belief.” Frederick Matthias Alexander

I am something of an etymology geek. I used to be really good at remembering the roots of words, but now I just make things up. One thing we all know is that the horo in horoscope comes from the Latin word for prostitute. In other words, any and all women who believe in the power and prophesy of the zodiac are whores.

Imagine my surprise when I read that the horoscope as we know it is false, that all of the dates and astrological signs are misplaced due to the fact of the movement of the earth over the last several millennia.

I’ve been thinking about editing some of the information in “About” here on my blog because I state that “I am a Cancer,” but I found out this month that I may actually be a Gemini.

Not only that, but throughout my life, most of my friends have been Scorpios, (Scorpii?), Leos, and Geminis (Geminii?). All of my crushing infatuations (2 high school, 2 college) were with Aries men, but my “polar opposite” in the zodiac is Capricorn. Hubby is (or perhaps was?) an Aquarius. What does all of this mean about my love life? I am sure I don’t know, but if I don’t start behaving like a whore in the bedroom soon, I don’t know who to consult any more. I don’t think the syndicated “Daily Horoscope” that I follow has updated its charts.

One thing I know, because I really believe it, is that I AM NOT A GEMINI! I am a Cancer, through and through. I am a water sign, just like my pals, Scorpio and Pisces. I am domestic. I like to stay in my shell. I am moody and crabby because I am ruled by the changeable Moon. I form strong bonds with my female friends. I rule the breasts and this is obviously in keeping with the whole family-whore theme; plus, I used to have a really nice rack before I nursed my crablets. I taste really good with drawn butter and my tender meat is the best part of me, though sometimes my carapace will get stuck in your teeth if you aren’t very good at using that little metal pick.

I know that I am not a Gemini because everyone knows that Geminii are duplicitous, like the twins who they emulate. I would never lie because Cancerians are loyal and this includes being completely honest.

So you can see that I am very confused, even angry. I am sure you have all been struggling with this as well. You’ll find no answers here. However, I am interested in knowing if your life has been governed by the feeling that no one understands you and that anyone’s attempt to pigeonhole or classify you has always fallen short. If this fits, I’ll just bet you are a Ophiuchus.

That’s it for today’s Horoscope. Stayed tuned over the next several millennia to see whether your sign has changed or not.

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