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Posts Tagged ‘twinkly’s kitchen rules’

I opened the silverware drawer this morning and to my horror, the tea spoons were facing in opposite directions. GHASTLY!

I recently wrote that I don’t allow the same knife to be used for the butter and the jam, cross-contamination of substances being what it is. Other family members engage in this behavior, as you may recall. They even use the same knife for jam and peanut butter. YES, it’s true, and I know you are trembling at this horrible news. I didn’t tell you about the peanut butter and jam in that last post, but now you know what kind of household I live in.

You remember the butter devil, too, right?

Once you are unloading the dishwasher and putting away the silverware, why you wouldn’t let all the spoons nest together? It makes them happy. It makes me happy. It conserves space. It is sensible. It is the only way, the tao of the kitchen.

On another note, when I searched google images for spoons in a drawer, I came up across a few surprises. Lookie here:

I know what you’re thinking. HOW is it possible to make one tool that measures tablespoon, teaspoon, 1/2 teaspoon, 1/4 spoon?

Kitchen mysteries. Dare ya.

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I confess that I don’t allow the same butter knife to be used for buttering toast and dipping into the jam jar. At least while I’m looking. Once my daughter pointed out that a particular mom-friend of ours did allow this. I feel secure in my method, no matter how unsound.

I cannot compare myself to my own mother. When I was growing up, she came into my school, at least once, and did a talk about being from Germany for International Night. Okay, I made the last part up, but it’s the best I can recollect. Maybe it was during the day and we were studying Europe.

My mom was the only one who ever mowed the lawn. Maybe my brother did, too, once he was a teenager. I’ll have to ask him.

My father was the one who grilled the steaks. I don’t think we ate hamburgers from the grill. I am not sure why. I think because my parents were European and they didn’t know how these things were done in the US.

I was what you call a “picky eater” when I was young, but I think it’s an unfair label.

There are many things I won’t eat; I’m not adventurous like some of my friends. But I’ve come around to some degree.

Back in Kent, Ohio, I had a massage client who traveled the world for her job. She is the one who taught me that it is rude to turn down food you are offered when visiting a foreign country. This may be one reason I’m averse to traveling to certain places. She told me the 2 strangest things she ever ate were 1. pickled reindeer horn (Sweden?) and 2. monkey brain (China). Am I making this up? I don’t think so, but sometimes details are sketchy. She was a cool person, very energetic, blond, sexy. She lived in an underground house, built into the side of a hill. Someone gave her a clock made of a cast-iron frying pan and she felt obliged to put it on her wall, but she hated it. She drove a red Saab, a rare sight in Kent. A couple of years after she became a client of mine, she had a terrible car accident, was hit sideways by an 18-wheeler. Her car was slammed into the center-guard rail on the interstate. One of her MDs told her she was millimeters away from becoming completely paralyzed from the neck down. She came out okay. I could tell you more that I remember, but I’m sure this is one of those things that is not mine to tell—I’ve already revealed a lot. It’s just so interesting. I will never forget some of those details.

I feel young and hip because I recently put a little streak of reddish-pink into my hair (I believe the official name is “candy apple red”). This is from last week; the color has already faded out more. Last night, I put a faint purple tint in, but, to my surprise, I don’t like it as much.

I’m sure no one reading this would EVER click on the photo and use the close-up feature to try to look at my pores. To my horror, this is possible so I’ve begun to make sure you can’t do this. Because my pores are not my best feature.

What is my best feature you ask? My sparkling personality, of course.

♥ ♥ ♥

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Don’t be frightened, my pets, but I have a harrowing tale to tell.

Yesterday in my kitchen, I discovered, to my great horror, that someone had opened a second stick of butter and used a clean butter dish even though there was an already-started butter in the other butter dish.

What cataclysmic chain of events could this reversal of the natural order set off? I shudder to think of it.

Have you noticed any strange occurrences in your life? Keys missing? An ink pen leaking all over your new purse? Children crabbier than usual? It could ALL BE CAUSED by the overuse of butter dishes in my little corner of the world.

Until that butter is used up and one of the two dishes sits in its rightful place, clean, in the cupboard, anything could happen. ANYTHING!

You have been warned!

image copyright @Janet K. Miller

janetkmiller.com

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Likelihood that twinkly’s Index will have at least one photo: 100%

Chance that it will feature breasts: 0

Rank, in importance of kitchen rules, of not using the non-garlic-and-onion cutting board for cutting garlic and onions: 2

still life by Jeffrey Freedner

Rank, in importance, of not washing twinkly’s vintage glassware in automatic dishwasher: 2

#1 rule in twinkly’s kitchen: this is what keeps the mystery in the marriage; why should I tell you?

Mathematical equation by which twinkly calculates rank of kitchen rules: 6 kale leaves multiplied by number of maple syrup quarts left in pantry stock ÷ granola³

Maximum number of females in twinkly’s household at press time: 5

Maximum number of males: 1

Number of household members sleeping: 4

Ages of non-feline, non-sleeping household members, respectively: youngest, oldest

Rank among parents in twinkly household that Hubby holds for “funniest person in the house:” 1

Amount by which twinkly suspects other voting members were paid off to attain this rank: 1 Lindt chocolate each

Percent more absorbable heme-iron is than non-heme iron, according to twinkly’s Energizing Iron supplement: 33

How tired twinkly will be of frying beef in a cast-iron pan after the next 2 months as she tries to build back her iron stores (multiple choice: not at all; sort of; very; please don’t make me eat a hamburger ever again in my life)

Likelihood that Hubby, at any given hour of the day, is listening to yet another live version of Wilco’s Handshake Drugs: 29%

Amount of inward joy twinkly feels when she hears him listening to this song: unmeasurable

Minimum number of Julian Cope CDs in twinkly’s household: 23

Minimum number in which Julian is playing a Casio: 19

Likelihood that eldest teenager in house, given her druthers, will sleep past noon on any given non-school day: 98%

Likelihood that anyone has druthers to give: 7.4%

Non-heme iron sources found in twinkly’s kitchen at this time: appx. 5

twinkly’s favorite among these: kale

twinkly’s least favorite, though tolerable: organic molasses, straight from the bottle

enthusiasm twinkly has for eating roasted pumpkin seeds: meh

likelihood that she’ll eat them anyway in any given day until anemia is resolved: 87%

love that twinkly has for 20-year old Dualit 2-slice toaster, purchased with wedding money: ABUNDANT

love that other family members have for said toaster: appx .09% (one might say, an anemic amount of love)

Rank, among household appliances, of Dualit toaster and Sebo vacuum, in twinkly’s mind, respectively: 1, 1

Number of years pink Cuisinart toaster, which twinkly managed to purchase at the bargain price of $69, lasted: 2

Number of times, in 20 years, that Dualit toaster has broken down: 1

Price to fix by Ed of Ed’s Electric: $15

Original cost of toaster: $199

Price of toaster, adjusted for inflation while factoring in built-in obsolesence of all small-kitchen electronics produced by American companies but manufactured in China: -$199

Money twinkly has saved on bagels over the last 11 years by purchasing them on $5.99 Wednesdays instead of paying full price: 3 million, 211 thousand, 50 dollars and 22 cents

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